Premier Campbell made his address to the UBCM this afternoon. I had predicted that he would increase the minimum wage in BC to $9 and hour and lower the HST while openly admitting that he does in fact have a mistress and that her name is Carole James. Not surprisingly, none of my predictions came true.
However, I will present the highlights of his speech with what I imagine to be his inner thoughts as he presented. Please note that in fact I do not have access to his inner thoughts so these are purely the inner thoughts that my imagination has created for his inner thoughts. Clear?
First example, he talked about extending the SkyTrain line through Surrey out to Langley. (I imagine that he was thinking, sure I will do this, sure. Of course I will not say what year that I might do this in. And I wonder how TransLink is going to pay for this new line?)
Next he talked about extending Rapid Bus service out to Chilliwack. (For this one he is thinking; all I have to do is tell the cops to let up on the Greyhounds or get “Lead-Foot” John Van Dongen at the wheel of a bus and voila, we have rapid bus service).
His perennial favourite, rapid transit to UBC. (Screw that Evergreen Line, what have they ever done for me? And how do they intend on paying for that line? Well, I suppose if TransLink can raise the money – diabolical laughter).
Another priority would be to extend the John Van Dongen-style bus service from Kelowna to West Kelowna and in Greater Victoria. (And I might as well add in here my promise of a white Christmas for the next couple of years – more diabolical laughter).
He talked about expanding public transit options in regional centres like Prince George, Kamloops, Naniamo and Courtenay-Comox. (Sure, that sounds great!)
He added in the fast-tracking of the Cariboo Connector (What the hell, I’m not paying for this shit now!)
And he promised to expedite the major improvements to other portions of Highways 97, 16, 3 and the Trans-Canada Highway. (Well, Kiewit and his boys are going to need something to do after finishing the Port Mann-Highway 1 construction debacle).
For the rural people of BC he promised to make sure they can continue to run their quads up and down old logging roads. (I wonder if I can put tolls on logging roads?)
And one that will definitely get the ire of Vancouver’s business community, additional funding for cycling paths and sidewalks. (I wonder if bicycles and pedestrians can be tolled?)
As he stood back from the podium he was probably thinking to himself, “Well Miss Fancy Shows-Carole Taylor, how do you figure on paying for all this stuff? (More diabolical laughter).